stagnant

i see many versions of myself

which one controls me is not for me to decide

i’m an observer of the feelings, reactions, and thoughts that run through me

i can always commentate, but am i really in control? 

there’s too many versions of me:

there’s the me that i genuinely dream and desire to be

my most ideal and practical possible life. dependencies and anxieties are the inhibitors

there’s the empathetic, family-focused version of me. they’re the greatest blockades to living my ideal self. they’re my only bondage to this human life steeping with social constructs.

in essence, i’m a sucker for unconditional love.  

my livelier, more social and enthusiastic side of me is still in its infancy

deciding how i feel about all the intricacies of participating in this global social network becomes a strain on my introspection  

i feel too many versions of me at once. every situation is met with seven analyses, rarely one dominating the others

the path my being chooses is a gamble

a constant flow of uncertainties. the adventurous, addictive, and enduring side of me has always led to grandeur human experiences.

a lesson that boldness and unfuckwitable mindsets often open the doors to the most immense feelings jolting across your window into this world 

the moments you live for, as they say

i wake up from my dream self, whose visions point to endless moments to sleep for

often based in reality, scenes peeked into with a magnifying glass. emotions as real and thoughts as clear as my waking self would have  

for this is the reason i fear not living in an endless slumber

my visionary self reminds me of my life to come, my love to hold 

so i stay, for now. though it's not a conscious choice, so much as it is an inability to choose

so far so stagnant