ignorance is bliss

sometimes i feel like i grew up too fast

like i got used to the endless disappointment too early

yet i learnt too late that the energy you give out is not always returned

being a good person doesn’t guarantee fulfillment and observing humanity can be draining

when i finally got my own freedom i tried to regain the nostalgia of my childhood - from when the realities of our world had still been unknown and the experiences not yet organized into drawers of good and bad

but the tendencies of immaturity unraveled in me. devastations occurred and i discovered that who i am won’t always align with how i live my life

mistakes and learnings / think larger and deeper, always

now i find myself in this uncolored zone, realizing my capabilities and limitations for the life i could possibly have

yet, the vision increasingly becomes dimmer as these minute yet destructive events tally

the dependencies on others to satisfy your soul, the urge to want to help those who won't help themselves

all for love. unfortunately, love can kill you - shred you of who you are. months of feeling like your flesh is endlessly raging in flames but the fire doesn’t die down

& so all you can think about is the bliss that would come after drowning your mind in your own blood, stopping the flow of vicious thoughts / internal pains. so they can cease to consume you

unsure of when i’ll max out, i try to preserve my light - avoiding accelerating towards the inevitable burnout

i often find myself staying silent when i most want to scream